Philosophy, In Other Words

by Craig Elliott on February 5, 2014One comment

Go ahead and admit it. It takes a special kind of person (a philosopher?) to enjoy reading philosophical texts. They’re always blabbing about what it means to be and the different ways and kinds of knowing, and lots of times they’re doing it in foreign languages, but even when they are, technically, speaking English, they’re not. Does it have to be this way? You certainly don’t think so. So go ahead, just say it right out loud: It takes a special kind of person to read philosophy, and I am not that kind of person.  There, see? You feel better already.

But wait – what if I were to tell you that you’re completely right, it doesn’t have to be that way? What if I told you that there is a person for whom philosophy makes sense and that this person wants to make it make sense for you, too?

Two words: Philosophy Bro. Okay, more than two words – the blog is a little on the newish side and also quite, shall we say, of a sort with its summaries, so if you’ve got a paper due tomorrow on What Is It Like To Be A Bat?, my most heartfelt suggestion to you is that you get thee to a library. But Philosophy Bro can most definitely lend a hand to any civilian who’s just kind of wondering what the hell a dude like Descartes was getting at, or for someone who is Rand Curious but can’t realistically imagine slogging through 1000+ pages of Atlas Shrugged in the original Tedious Crapese, he’s done some really exceptional work with his translation of “This is John Galt Speaking”:

You make life hardest for the greatest bros, the ones who make your life easiest; the more we make, the more you take. Calling it ‘taxes’ doesn’t make it right; it’s theft. We’ve stood by and let it happen, unable to believe that anyone could really be that dumb. Well, Fuck. That. Noise. That ends right now. We are done being made to feel guilty, being blamed and hated, because we make shit happen. We’re done being sacrificed. When you make criminals out of the men who build you houses, don’t complain when you have to live in caves, bro. There’s a guy who built a thing that lets you fly through the sky in an air conditioned room. Of course he’s rich, because flying is fucking awesome and people will pay him to do it. If your world says he’s evil, I don’t want to live in it.  

Is it safe for work? Well, there’s no pictures of boobies or anything like that, but last week, I left the copy of the Galt speech that I printed off for reading behind, and someone remarked later on about all the profanity. So if you’ve got those types prowling around your workplace, and they’ve got any degree of authority, then no, it’s not. But otherwise, enjoy your education.

And then he's like, 'Dude?' and then I'm like, 'Dude!' and then...

Originally posted Jan. 24, 2011

One comment

Marty on January 25, 2011 at 9:21 am. #

This is an idea long overdue. Also, it will probaly help people get a lot of references from Woody Allen films.