Purpose Of The NSA Snoop Machine Revealed

by Nick Glossop on June 13, 2013Comments Off

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The Midnight Curve

A senior, although not current, official of the NSA today revealed the targeted purpose of its vast snoop-and-scoop Internet spying apparatus and, incredibly, it is this – time travel. The wholesale capture of the Internet past, and the current and ongoing capture of the Internet as-it-is-occurring, with exponentially increasing levels of granularity, is allowing NSA servers to knit together what is being called an Intertinuum, a dynamic and reverse-traversable image of our whole wired world. Future NSA agents (timeline classified) have been/will be inserted, Tron-like, into the Intertinuum, whereupon they are able to travel back to Internets past, to single time slices for the purposes of simple recon, but also to temporal slabs within which they are able to interact with the Net in past-time. In short, people, they click among us. They search, they post, they comment, they Like and troll, all to divert, dissuade, and disarm terror plots. The key point that needs to be driven home to critics of the program is that these brave cyber retronauts are acting against heinous terror plots which, for them, have already come to terrible fruition. They act, so that we may never have to know the horrors they have seen. The list (classified) is a gruesome butcher’s bill.

Interestingly Twitter was left out of the program, which otherwise sucks in the entirety of integrated cyberspace, so that it could serve as a kind of paradox/contagion-free umbilicus enabling Future-Forward HQ to communicate with its Time Cops and keep them apprised of how effective their actions have been/will be. It was from FF HQ at an undisclosed point in the future that a personal message Tweet was received today by intelligence chief Clapper from Field Marshal Nugent. The message contained assurances that the gentle nudges of the NSA are indeed guiding us along the best of all possible time-tracks. (Less reassuring was his later general Tweet, since deleted: Beware the Ninny-State!) So relax. Sit back and surf. And kindly turn off any add-blocking programs, allow popups, enable cookies, and, whatever you do, don’t download and start using that silly Tor Browser!